This past year has brought about many changes in our family; from inconsistency in our finances to a growing desire to jump head first into ministry. Last Christmas we decided to spend two weeks at Rancho Tres Cruces;
partly because it was a year that neither of our families had anything big going on, partly because we wanted to see what it would be like to be away from the the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring, but mostly because we felt like the Lord wanted us to go.
We had a wonderful trip and bonded immensely as a family. In fact, Nate and I came back with the same sense of change in our hearts although neither of us shared with the other those feelings until we returned home.
When we discovered that we were on the same page we both realized that it wasn't just emotionally driven but rather that the Lord had been speaking directly to our hearts. That mysterious discovery brought with it many questions. Questions that were left unanswered for some time. It became discouraging and almost frustrating because we both knew that we were to prepare for something, yet we didn't know what we were supposed to be preparing for. We thought maybe we were supposed to have another child (even though we had already decided that our quiver was full enough), so we reopened the door for God to work in, and possibly rearrange our lives. We prayed and prayed and opened more doors to different types of change, hoping that we would soon receive an answer.
But still, nothing.
One night I was praying and asking God, again, what this change was that we were being prepared for. Then He gave me a verse, Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I was instantly filled with peace and at that moment I knew why we were still in the waiting period. We were learning how to be patient and wait on Him and His perfect timing.
For those of you who don't know our story I will take you back a few years.
Nate had just come back from the mission field when we met; I knew that he was created for missions and I was excited to join him in that calling. Our first couple years of marriage were written like a beautiful novel. We lived 1 Corinthians 13 like it had been scripted for us. Our family bloomed and we talked of living in Mexico and raising our children as missionaries. But into the third year things changed. We got busy, grew apart and our lives were equally focused on our own selves. Life was just being lived at that point and the talk of ministry faded.
By year four we had a vast awakening. God put His sovereign foot right down into our selfish desires and told us to make a decision, a decision to follow hard after Him or go live in darkness alone. We obviously chose door number one. Nate was working for Edge Wireless as an area manager. We had no worries financially and were in a position to live as comfortably as we cared to. When the business sold out to AT&T our lives changed drastically. So Nate went to work for a small start-up business that developed aircraft. It was a dream for him to be part of a start-up business that had the potential to become colossal.
Sadly, after a year and a half of emotionally draining stress and multiple setbacks, the business buckled. Prayerfully, Nate sought after many jobs. Months passed quickly and we grew anxious, especially since the unemployment benefits were as minimal as they could possibly be. Our savings were dwindling and it was completely out of our hands. We were grim but also knew that the Lord was doing something in our lives. It was a difficult time but through it we learned how to simplify. Then three months ago, Nate was hired on as a salesman at Verizon wireless. But things didn't really go "back to normal" as we knew normal to be. Nate was feeling somewhat restless, and he certainly wasn't being worked up to his potential. It felt temporary, although we were deeply thankful. Yet we were still unsure of what would come next, or when.
A few weeks ago John Rideout had a meeting with Nate in which he asked him if he was ready to assume the responsibilities as missions overseer. We were very excited, especially since we had been spending a lot of time in Mexico and had future plans to spend even more time. Nate spent the first week as missions overseer at Rancho Tres Cruces with Pastor Travis Hunt and Pastor Phil working out kinks in the vision of the up-coming Master's bible school. It was emotional and heavy but they felt the Lords hand upon every decision, and God moved though the ranch and brought about a new season. It is a season of unknowns, of mystery.
A season of change; physically, as we pack up and move with just a few essentials, emotionally as we travel a thousand miles from our family and friends, spiritually, as we know we are heading into the unseen battlefield.
It is extraordinary and exhilarating, yet strange and overwhelming. I feel like we are dandelion seeds floating in the breeze, knowing only the wind of His Spirit. But also knowing that He will carry us to the exact spot we need to be.
Proverbs 16:9
A man's heart devises his way: but the LORD directs his steps.
