I could say that it's partly because I miss the rain. Or because I know that the leaves are changing to crimson and gold. It could have to do with the fact that I am only partially adaptable, and stubborn as an ox. Maybe it's because I can't sit with my family, or my friends, and have coffee, and chat the afternoon away. But I think mostly it's just that life is still moving like it was before, but I'm not there to be part of it.
This past week was the hardest. The newness had worn off and the vacation was over. Life was beginning to feel like it had back home, pretty much normal, except that I wasn't home. I don't drive, not because I can't, but because I haven't gotten up the courage yet. Everyday life here is slower, dirtier, and lonelier than the life I knew before. So, if you can imagine that kind of change, maybe you can begin to understand how I was feeling. It was tough because my flesh wanted so badly to be somewhere it couldn't be. My soul ached for home so much that I couldn't focus on anything else. I found myself in tears, many times, asking God, "why am I here, can't I go home now?" I felt frustrated, dark and I even started to question whether or not we were even supposed to be here. Some people think we aren't, so I got to thinking, maybe they're right. Maybe we jumped the gun and we never should've come in the first place. Maybe I would be happier if we left. But in all my self-centeredness I never once stopped to think that maybe my darkness was clouding others. I avoided the thought that perhaps my selfish desires might be keeping me from doing the work I was sent here to do. So when I finally stopped for a moment and let go of my selfish thoughts, my mind felt free, and God was right there to catch me in His grace and answer my prayers. I mean it, the minute I let go it seemed like a plan was formed allowing me to go home for a month. Nate had been planning a missions trip for him and the students which meant he would be gone for nearly three weeks, which wasn't helping my depressed state, especially since that three weeks coincided with Thanksgiving. So we decided that the girls and I would go home for that period of time. It was perfect! God is so good when we wait upon Him. I suppose one day I'll remember that in the midst of darker days.
Sigh.
So, in a nutshell, I am learning to walk in His love, to call Him home, to live in Him because my perception of home is nothing without Him. Because His love abounds, and His word is true. He set my eyes on a chapter that spoke volumes to my heart in this phase of my life, and I will not lose heart because He who raised up my Lord Jesus will also raise me up WITH Jesus. He will continue to renew our inner man daily, if we allow Him. Praise You Jesus. What an amazing God we serve, I'm speechless.
2 corinthians 4:7-18
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you. And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,” we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
la vida es buena
Last week was crazy. Seemed like we barely had time enough to get our home in [partial] order before the group showed up. I wasn't sure what to expect, it being our first group and all. Half of the group came to stay, the students, the other half were here as chauffeurs and visitors. The girls' grandma was able to come along and, of course, they were thrilled. It was a great weekend filled with good fellowship, delicious food, volleyball, and tons of laughter. But it ended, as everything does, and on Tuesday morning half of the crowd boarded the van and headed home. I have to say, it was a very strange feeling to be one of the ones staying. The only experiences I'd ever had here were those of a visitor. So it was new, different, kind of odd, but in a good way. It was really the first time since I've been here that it felt sort of like home. Home. I'm still unsure how my heart feels when I hear that word. Everything around me has changed. Everything looks and feels different; the air is thicker, the sun is hotter, the fruit is tastier. Not saying it's better or worse, just different, but I am growing to love it. I do miss my Oregon home; the smell of rain, mi familia, mi amigo[a]s. But for now, this is my home and I am happy.
I am learning to live communally and so far, I really enjoy it. Cooking together, praising the Lord, playing sports, talking, es muy bueno. The students are amazing and I am enjoying getting to know all of them. Sarah is a pure joy to have around and my girls absolutely adore her. Her delight in the Lord is such an encouragement to me and I am thrilled to have her with us for the next few months. Anca is equally fantastic. The girls call her their other mommy and she doesn't seem opposed. I haven't had much of a chance to really get to know her but I can tell already that I love her heart. Austin, what can I say about Austin, or rather, what can I not say. He is the guy who makes you want to sing and dance and talk the day away. His gifts are extraordinary and his heart is set on fire for Papa, I am inspired by his growth. And we have Chris, or Noobs as some of you know him. He has a kind and gentle spirit and the heart of a servant. I can already see transformation in him, from the little things like learning to make coffee and helping with housework, to taking a giant leap of faith and being baptized in Christ. And then there are Danny and David, the Romanian brothers who I don't know very well yet. They seem to be adapting into the group of students very well and I know that they love the Lord completely. And last, but not least, we have Luis, Lance and Maricella's oldest son. He is special, I believe the Father has colossal plans for his life. He is a complete blessing to us. Not only does he speak spanish but he enjoys teaching. So we ask a million questions. I am learning a lot. Also I have been staying up much too late reading the espanol dictionary. And yes, I am having fun with it. Although, conjunctions and learning when to use certain words in the masculine or feminine form can be rather confusing. Tomorrow (monday) we have our first spanish lesson with Letty, I am SO EXCITED! She will be going through the basics with us for two hours every monday. I can't wait, it is very difficult being the foreigner, I never quite understood it like I do now.
Well, tomorrow marks the first day of the second week of school. Nate says it is going very well and the students are learning and growing a lot. On Saturday evening Luis, Austin and Chris decided they wanted to be baptized so we all piled in the van and went to the beach. It was incredible and totally surreal, no words can describe the power in what our Father can do. He is Daddy, He is Jehovah, He is the King and He cares for us. I think I will stop there and sleep on that.
Dios te bendiga.
Te quieros todos.
I am learning to live communally and so far, I really enjoy it. Cooking together, praising the Lord, playing sports, talking, es muy bueno. The students are amazing and I am enjoying getting to know all of them. Sarah is a pure joy to have around and my girls absolutely adore her. Her delight in the Lord is such an encouragement to me and I am thrilled to have her with us for the next few months. Anca is equally fantastic. The girls call her their other mommy and she doesn't seem opposed. I haven't had much of a chance to really get to know her but I can tell already that I love her heart. Austin, what can I say about Austin, or rather, what can I not say. He is the guy who makes you want to sing and dance and talk the day away. His gifts are extraordinary and his heart is set on fire for Papa, I am inspired by his growth. And we have Chris, or Noobs as some of you know him. He has a kind and gentle spirit and the heart of a servant. I can already see transformation in him, from the little things like learning to make coffee and helping with housework, to taking a giant leap of faith and being baptized in Christ. And then there are Danny and David, the Romanian brothers who I don't know very well yet. They seem to be adapting into the group of students very well and I know that they love the Lord completely. And last, but not least, we have Luis, Lance and Maricella's oldest son. He is special, I believe the Father has colossal plans for his life. He is a complete blessing to us. Not only does he speak spanish but he enjoys teaching. So we ask a million questions. I am learning a lot. Also I have been staying up much too late reading the espanol dictionary. And yes, I am having fun with it. Although, conjunctions and learning when to use certain words in the masculine or feminine form can be rather confusing. Tomorrow (monday) we have our first spanish lesson with Letty, I am SO EXCITED! She will be going through the basics with us for two hours every monday. I can't wait, it is very difficult being the foreigner, I never quite understood it like I do now.
Well, tomorrow marks the first day of the second week of school. Nate says it is going very well and the students are learning and growing a lot. On Saturday evening Luis, Austin and Chris decided they wanted to be baptized so we all piled in the van and went to the beach. It was incredible and totally surreal, no words can describe the power in what our Father can do. He is Daddy, He is Jehovah, He is the King and He cares for us. I think I will stop there and sleep on that.
Dios te bendiga.
Te quieros todos.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Obedience.
Before we left to come here, God used someone to speak to me. He told me to come with eyes to see, with ears to hear, with a willing heart. He told me to be open and sensitive to the Spirit. So I came with basic preparation to hear and see what my Father wanted. But what I saw wasn't at all what I had expected.
It came in with a wave of oppression. Almost immediately upon setting foot into our new home, I was weighed down. I felt like an oyster fighting a grain of sand, confined and uncomfortable. I couldn't make it go away. I prayed and pleaded that it would be gone, yet nothing, and my frustration grew. I blamed it on my emotions, moving blues, stress, anything and everything I could think of to pass it onto. But what I had yet to realize was that He was forming a pearl of wisdom within me.
A few afternoons ago, He took me to the orchard. With His Word in my hands, I sat at the foot of the mountain which holds the three crosses. I had no strength to speak, I wanted to pray, to cry out, but nothing. So I sat there and allowed myself to just be, while I took in all the beauty surrounding me. As time passed, my aching soul was slowly soothed by the warm orchard breeze, by the sweet sound of cooing doves, by the fragrant scent of orange blossoms. Then, as I entered into His rest, He pulled me into the past, not my past but the history of the land, and gave me a vision. He opened my eyes to a darkness that had been thriving here. He showed me the reason I had been filled with oppression. He revealed to me that He had authorized it to simply show me the strength of this principality. He wanted me to see where I would be if I turned away from Him. Then He filled me to overflowing and I could feel His heart breaking knowing that He had to allow pain when all He wanted to do was love. When I was finally ready to burst from His power, my eyes were opened and He showed me a verse.
2 Chronicles 16:9
"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."
He spends His precious time seeking out fully committed hearts. Do you get that? FULLY COMMITTED. That's not the middle road, not lukewarm and partially loyal, but ALL THE WAY. All the way to wherever He wants to take us. That's His desire, to strengthen those whose hearts are completely willing and ready. Conviction is huge when it applies to you. It's a feeling of remorse knowing you disappointed Daddy, the one who created the world, the one who gives it all to prove His love for us. It should bring us to our knees in repentance. Then He gave me another verse. A confidence verse, the last half of Daniel 11:32
"but the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits."
This filled me with the strength that only He can give and set my feet on the path before me. He showed me that He has something for everyone, that His desire is for ALL of His children to be strong, to do great things. And yet, sadly, it seems there is a short supply of fully armored disciples ready for battle. Wow, talk about adversity. In my growth I am discovering that with wisdom come much sorrow.
So now what, I know these things, but what do I do with them? I continued to sit, and wait, learning patience in the quiet moments. And then He lifted my gaze up to the crosses and showed me my first step. Climb the mountain. Ok, big deal right? Well, here's the thing, ordinarily this would be simple but last week one of the girls saw a rattlesnake on her journey up. Um, not a huge fan of snakes, and a death viper at that?! (Ok, ok, I'm adding a hint of drama for your sake, but still) "Uh, God? Are you sure about this? It's a big snake... What if it bites me?" Let me just tell you that my Papa in heaven is the greatest Father anyone could ever ask for. He filled me with peace and gave me a perfectly fitted verse (yeah, I'm pretty sure it was written for me for this specific situation).
Luke 10:19
Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Seriously?! Nothing shall by ANY means hurt you..! He tells me I can walk through a pit of killer snakes and wade into an assembly of scorpions (which are here and yes they freak me out big-time) and NOT be touched. Woah. Now that holds some serious power. So, I went, I hiked the mountain and sat at the base of the crosses feeling grateful, feeling abundantly loved. It was simple, it was a tiny step in learning to listen, it was small but not without significance. I am in training, and growing , and letting go of childish things and learning to walk completely in His Spirit.
A friend shared this verse with me today. It was a completion to the puzzle. I know what is needed for His light to shine through me. And it all comes down to obedience.
Isaiah 60:1-3
Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, And deep darkness the people; But the LORD will arise over you, And His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, And kings to the brightness of your rising.
Blessings to you amigos and amigas. I pray with much devotion for all of you who are following me on my journey through this world. I plead with our Father for your eyes to see and ears to hear what it is that He has for you. I ask you to listen and to obey.
Peace to you all.
Dios te bendiga.
It came in with a wave of oppression. Almost immediately upon setting foot into our new home, I was weighed down. I felt like an oyster fighting a grain of sand, confined and uncomfortable. I couldn't make it go away. I prayed and pleaded that it would be gone, yet nothing, and my frustration grew. I blamed it on my emotions, moving blues, stress, anything and everything I could think of to pass it onto. But what I had yet to realize was that He was forming a pearl of wisdom within me.
A few afternoons ago, He took me to the orchard. With His Word in my hands, I sat at the foot of the mountain which holds the three crosses. I had no strength to speak, I wanted to pray, to cry out, but nothing. So I sat there and allowed myself to just be, while I took in all the beauty surrounding me. As time passed, my aching soul was slowly soothed by the warm orchard breeze, by the sweet sound of cooing doves, by the fragrant scent of orange blossoms. Then, as I entered into His rest, He pulled me into the past, not my past but the history of the land, and gave me a vision. He opened my eyes to a darkness that had been thriving here. He showed me the reason I had been filled with oppression. He revealed to me that He had authorized it to simply show me the strength of this principality. He wanted me to see where I would be if I turned away from Him. Then He filled me to overflowing and I could feel His heart breaking knowing that He had to allow pain when all He wanted to do was love. When I was finally ready to burst from His power, my eyes were opened and He showed me a verse.
2 Chronicles 16:9
"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."
He spends His precious time seeking out fully committed hearts. Do you get that? FULLY COMMITTED. That's not the middle road, not lukewarm and partially loyal, but ALL THE WAY. All the way to wherever He wants to take us. That's His desire, to strengthen those whose hearts are completely willing and ready. Conviction is huge when it applies to you. It's a feeling of remorse knowing you disappointed Daddy, the one who created the world, the one who gives it all to prove His love for us. It should bring us to our knees in repentance. Then He gave me another verse. A confidence verse, the last half of Daniel 11:32
"but the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits."
This filled me with the strength that only He can give and set my feet on the path before me. He showed me that He has something for everyone, that His desire is for ALL of His children to be strong, to do great things. And yet, sadly, it seems there is a short supply of fully armored disciples ready for battle. Wow, talk about adversity. In my growth I am discovering that with wisdom come much sorrow.
So now what, I know these things, but what do I do with them? I continued to sit, and wait, learning patience in the quiet moments. And then He lifted my gaze up to the crosses and showed me my first step. Climb the mountain. Ok, big deal right? Well, here's the thing, ordinarily this would be simple but last week one of the girls saw a rattlesnake on her journey up. Um, not a huge fan of snakes, and a death viper at that?! (Ok, ok, I'm adding a hint of drama for your sake, but still) "Uh, God? Are you sure about this? It's a big snake... What if it bites me?" Let me just tell you that my Papa in heaven is the greatest Father anyone could ever ask for. He filled me with peace and gave me a perfectly fitted verse (yeah, I'm pretty sure it was written for me for this specific situation).
Luke 10:19
Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Seriously?! Nothing shall by ANY means hurt you..! He tells me I can walk through a pit of killer snakes and wade into an assembly of scorpions (which are here and yes they freak me out big-time) and NOT be touched. Woah. Now that holds some serious power. So, I went, I hiked the mountain and sat at the base of the crosses feeling grateful, feeling abundantly loved. It was simple, it was a tiny step in learning to listen, it was small but not without significance. I am in training, and growing , and letting go of childish things and learning to walk completely in His Spirit.
A friend shared this verse with me today. It was a completion to the puzzle. I know what is needed for His light to shine through me. And it all comes down to obedience.
Isaiah 60:1-3
Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, And deep darkness the people; But the LORD will arise over you, And His glory will be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, And kings to the brightness of your rising.
Blessings to you amigos and amigas. I pray with much devotion for all of you who are following me on my journey through this world. I plead with our Father for your eyes to see and ears to hear what it is that He has for you. I ask you to listen and to obey.
Peace to you all.
Dios te bendiga.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
First week.
Well, here it is, here we are, in our new home, making it home. We've been here for a week already, but it doesn't feel like it. I am starting to miss my family, my church, my other home. It feels like we are visiting, yet I know we are staying. It is strange and surreal. It is a place filled with such beauty that it leaves me overwhelmed and breathless. There are trees filled with fruit of so many kinds; citrus, pomegranate, avocado, pear, apple, guava, prickly pear (opuntia, or tuna), sapote, loquats, and yesterday we got our first batch of wild honey made from the nectar of all of these delectable fruit blossoms. It's close to perfect, aside from the dust monster that cannot be escaped. But I love it, I'm overjoyed that the Lord has called us to be here for a season, how long that season is I have yet to know. But He is teaching me patience and creating in me a willing heart.
As some of you may have read in Shae's blog, we have both been painting our homes. I just finished the girls room, I used a yellowish green on one wall, and an an aqua blue on the other three. If you ever saw the colors I did in their old room on Newton creek, it's the same paint. But I tweaked the yellow with a greenish color to make it a little less yellow and a tad more green. I'll soon be posting photos.
I have the first coat of paint done in the living room, it's a pea soup shade of green. The can of paint I bought originally was too brown so I added a pint of aqua that I happened to have. It came out the perfect shade of green for a living room. I'm excited to see the final product.
The girls are loving it here. First thing in the morning they want to be outside, playing on their bikes and exploring, and playing with Asa and Taiah of course. They are all getting along amazingly (mostly) with the exception of a squabble here and there, but nothing major. God is keeping them protected, so far Storie has been stung by a bee but nothing more than a minor scrape or scratch.
God has been working in a big way. I can feel Him in everything. I could go into more detail about my Father but I am working on another blog pertaining to just that. Keep checking for it. I'll give you a preview with this verse He shared with me in Luke.
Then the seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.” And He said to them, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”
- Luke 10:17-20
There is so much power in this passage that I am without words to describe it. If you want further insight on what God is doing in my life here at Tres Cruces, read all of Luke 10 and meditate on it. This shares exactly where I am.
We are feeling very blessed by your thoughts and prayers. Please don't stop.
Dios te bendiga!!
And mucho love to you all.
As some of you may have read in Shae's blog, we have both been painting our homes. I just finished the girls room, I used a yellowish green on one wall, and an an aqua blue on the other three. If you ever saw the colors I did in their old room on Newton creek, it's the same paint. But I tweaked the yellow with a greenish color to make it a little less yellow and a tad more green. I'll soon be posting photos.
I have the first coat of paint done in the living room, it's a pea soup shade of green. The can of paint I bought originally was too brown so I added a pint of aqua that I happened to have. It came out the perfect shade of green for a living room. I'm excited to see the final product.
The girls are loving it here. First thing in the morning they want to be outside, playing on their bikes and exploring, and playing with Asa and Taiah of course. They are all getting along amazingly (mostly) with the exception of a squabble here and there, but nothing major. God is keeping them protected, so far Storie has been stung by a bee but nothing more than a minor scrape or scratch.
God has been working in a big way. I can feel Him in everything. I could go into more detail about my Father but I am working on another blog pertaining to just that. Keep checking for it. I'll give you a preview with this verse He shared with me in Luke.
Then the seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.” And He said to them, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”
- Luke 10:17-20
There is so much power in this passage that I am without words to describe it. If you want further insight on what God is doing in my life here at Tres Cruces, read all of Luke 10 and meditate on it. This shares exactly where I am.
We are feeling very blessed by your thoughts and prayers. Please don't stop.
Dios te bendiga!!
And mucho love to you all.
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